heartBaked

People often say you cant choose your family like you can your friends. Sometimes i wonder how true that is... if you think about it we can choose as much as to our life as the world chooses us to live. We have lessons in our everyday life that some ignore until it is replayed. Religion leads us off to our own goals and we choose it. But what we dont choose is how our heart works.
Heart means love but love is pain, pain is hurt and hurt is uneasy sleep, uneasy sleep means doctors.. doctors mean shots, shots mean bandaid... and well they never have dora on hand.. so i say that heart.. is a really big trouble to have. Example: Did you ever notice that we always fall for the guy that no one ever saw us working with. The nerd in math class marries the jock. The cheerleader is the one who goes with the the science fair winner, and me... well i go with the one that im told is best. Isnt that how it always falls into place. To you the world is scattered and to them your perfect... well i say get back into the party you havent found that one till you can roll over and laugh at the fact his gas smells like turkey dinner leftovers you had like a month and a half ago. Never had that and personally im not looking forward to it but i know thats the kind of love i want.
The kind that can end never and go one in a circle forever never fading in a million years. The kind only a person could have for the mother, or the father in the crib. Yea a miracle feeling i dont think we never honestly feel, we think we do but were conflicted on it. Like what to make for dinner.
Chicken or beef? Rice or potatoes? Girl or boy... ohh cant eat that for dinner but i call it desert. Those are the ones we choose. The things that cause us to fade in our lives and depress over the stupid things. Ohh i lost my shoe... my makeup ran away.. and i cant find the keys to my car. Ohh bitch please just go and get a new excuse at the store and find a better place to stay. Your house of cards fell down and blew off the floor when the dog ran by after the cat chasing the bird who was splashed by the fish... pet.. who needs um?

ME! thats who...

So the Saga Kittens...

The gods have smiled out upon you this day and offered you a great adventure... Will you take it?? *rolls the  dice* OHH epic fail.. you are forced to take it and manage to step one foot forward trip on a pebble and knock yourself unconscious. Hours pass and you wake only to find out that this game is lamer then lame and you wasted an entire life time wondering as to what purpose it serves from here.. welcome to the real world.. where you meet your SEX. Of course first you have to look down and see if your a male of female. Most of the time the man has an outward vagina and a girl an inward. This is made when the baby chooses in the womb that it wants a useful potential in life. However, sometimes even that can be a backstab and we are left with the need to stop the nerdy games and clean up our act, thats right here are your steps to making a women take that bag off your head and really see the ugly that is you:
Step 1: put the books away and pull out the gell, were gonna give you a makeover. The point of this makeover is to improve your outer appearance without damaging your popularity. Naturally a women like her a guy that can A. work, B. pay her, or C. pwn that chunky ass that she calls her body through enless hours of sex and booze and then forget that they ever met. Honest answer.. there isnt one, women expect nothing from me as they are very much like dogs and relate to them on no level at all. How is this relevant i have no idea.. but somewhere in this mess is a message.
Like the kind we find in television shows. Csi tells us how to kill and not get caught, SVU tells us that if we do get cuaght let it be for a simple crime like jay walking... and Tom and Jerry... violence is the answer as long as the mouse deserves it and the cat is stupid enough to befriend him before the episode ends.. idiot animals..
That is why i own a lizard. Simple pet, lays around all day and just stares at me... sticking its nose in the water bowl and attempting to drown. little does he know that i forgot to fill it today.. that will teach you for trying to abandon me.. bitches.
Ahh... good time.. i blame my friends.. they were never there when i wanted and always there when i didnt. Its ok though, now im not anywhere... cept at your house eating all your french fries... lol.. what no ketchup fuck this place.. im so for the popcorn anyhow.

Glass house

Has your mother ever told you to never throw stones when you live in a glass house? Uhh.. solution... buy lots of glue. Or you could always just move out and buy a normal house... like the rest of the world. So im here to say that if your house is glass... you need some therapy and a new Realtor. I mean they can find any other house why offer you a glass one? Reminds me of the movie 13th ghost.. the house with the creepy dead people in it. Yea i know they were not really dead but they were when the place went boom and killed everyone but the father and his kids. Those mental brats...
Of course dead is not alway the escape. sometimes we have to live to be rid of our troubles, only cause we get lucky and out run our relatives or friends when they die. Not saying that death is a good thing but suicide is no answer either, more of a mess to clean up for the family... and no one wants to go around mopping up what was you and is now just a stain of the memory you became. Of course death can be accidental... most of the time.
But he always gets you at the wrong time. The one time when you are being so damn stupid that it is actually impossible for him to catch you.. ye thats when hes looking in your window at you in your underwear and hoping that youll get naked and start a sex chain of monkeys in the bathroom.. yea.. dont know how monkeys can get him turned on but i suppose anything can happen. Dont let that scare you though, he hits at the wrong times too.. like elvis. I mean poor guy.. but that will teach death to step in on personal business its better when he hits us during:
a car crash, not the drivers fault you were drunk first. Then we got drowning, honestly you should not have fallen asleep on the boat in the first place, that ones on you. And finally we have the unexpected electircal fire that started in your garage and creeped its way into the living room and up into the air vent to allow ninjas to bombard the inner workings of your brains.. knew pirates were better!
They go around screaming Yo ho! and im like Yo Mama... apparently they were saying hello and i was saying share the loot.. i have no idea where that translated over but as soon as i get out of this ill let you know.

Random... the other idiot.

So you wanna know how my mind works? it flutters back and forth on a pivot which rotates at an angle of micro orgasmic cellular complication, tied together by a ball of string and a twinkie.. who would have though something so oblong could fit between the little nooks of a snowflake. So complex is my mind that when you hear the wind blow your eye balls cry spaghetti sauce in happiness, yes that purple rhino... it will never again see the sweet bliss of an apricot. poor giraffe he never saw that boat leave but he sure wished he had waved at its salad as it swept itself away to the burger king across the street. ahh... such good memories that he has... too bad though... i stole them with this hammer pick.."

We have all had days where random was just a word, and others an action. But for some reason none of it clicked in our heads that life was nothing but. We have random chance around every corner. For example death.. yea a grim subject im sure.. but if your anything like me you got a clock set to count down when hes knocking on your door cause damn, guy needs a makeover and im just the stupid person to give it to him. Im thinking pink.. no green maybe. only time will tell.
But hes there at any time. Science can have him there young. I mean think about it, the nuke didnt invent itself. and im sure it didnt kill a million people alone either. But it did create cannibalism as it was the only thing left once the whole area was blown to bits. Honestly how the hell did the hill have eyes? If you think about it they didnt live in the hills, they lived in the empty railway somewhere inside of them. Thats like saying that the fish has brains.. i mean come on guys.. good name good movie but seriously, bad deformities. Got to love the way they do it though. And for Wrong turn... i mean come on guys... should have just been smart enough to know that when the first guy died or vanished you should have gotten out not ran around like an idiot in a screaming horror flick. And let me tell you parris hilton is a scream queen.. a bad actor but a scream none the less. Its ok though thats easy to get over just hire a new make up artist and youll be back in business. 
Another idea is that when you have a random thought pattern let it go.. cause its already gone by the time you think of it.. just saying that when i thought of this:

 "Nom Nom Nom!!! Im going to eat your big toe with a turnip cause purple ran away with a cow to the toothpick factory and only got a tea cup to use with her bath soap which smells of elderberrys... stupid asparigus.Ahh, i know im a nut, but it is better to be a nut then made of maple syrup. as we all know that syrup is a tad bit sour and looks kinda like underwear before we pour it atop our bunnies.. with that said i bid you good tacos." I was not thinking of how it would look. 

 

Random... the other idiot.

Sexi Messages

 We all have our inner strength and our outer appeal, but we are also all lost among our own ideas of right and wrong. When we are born the only thing in our minds are the chill factor of the room. But what about if ever we were to be reborn? There are many myths about such things, we have the vampire myth... and the werewolf, or even just the simple religious go around behind it. But did anyone think that its the sexiness factor that contributes to it? I mean think about it... do you ever see a nerd turn into any of the listed... no cause they are too busy being Zombies... even in the after life they are cursed with being in the wrong craze. At least they wear the name with pride though, sitting there having the most fun they can and giving revenge a new glory. Too bad that glory is gory. I blame the socially rejected behavior on the whole thing. I mean honestly people if you didnt mock their brains they wouldnt eat yours... sadly i guess the process has its own side effects and none are very pleasant. Dont worry though you heal fast, just hurts at first... and lingers around for a little before taking over that ever loving sensation of will... no not smith. But ohh my god hes so.. yes!

Honestly though the vampire myth has its bores. I mean think about it In movies they are all french, or idiotic whites that are so damn lost in their own lives to notice "hmm my neck feels a little sore, lets go lay down" .. yea the last time youll ever see that lifetime. Ohh thats right now your awake and all is good.. cept your very pale and you look like you got a hang over.. meh deal with it later. Twilight fans unite... and while your together remember that edward is a prop and forever will not be yours.. however im sure that if you prefer him still offer him a drink and youll be one if the same soon enough.. teenagers Pphh!

Another thing i have come to notice is that all of the vampires are Sexi hot women that can model underwear anytime, as long as its in my room and dont you dare steal it from my drawers im modeling those. Mmm chain them to my wall.. ohh no. i let the vampire go hours before this so uhh if you get a knock on your door grab a water bottle you have yourself a werewolf. Cute little puppies arnt they? I blame nature.. its so loving, see they are not there to eat you, they just want to play.. and when you get tired just give them a chew toy.. no thats not your blood its ketchup.. ok i lied it is your blood and you are now wondering how the hell it tore your leg off. Spend less time reading more time locking the doggy door dude. Ohh.. thats a hole isnt it.. ohh well one less person to take my penny collection THEY ARE MINE AND YOUR BANNED FROM EVER .. ohh a nickle here you go!
Yes a nickle is that awesome. You get enough together and you can own your own company and have your own loving underwear collection cause uhh.. that one is mine.

Ass Nibbling

Ok, so i was sitting here thinking bout some crazy shit, just random and crazy. you know how it is, when it hits the brain and all you want to do is like OH HELL YES! but then when you do it... not so much. Well those ae moments that bite you in the ass.
And if you think about it this kind of situation wasnt even our faults, it was our friends or a force that even we didnt know was influencing us... like the dog.. or fish, yea blame the fish. it worked when we were younger and didnt wand to do anything toward the cleaning of our rooms. "Everything has a place mom, its under our beds.." situation was very common in my childhood. I personally call these times Ass nibbles. Not becuase most of my guy friends are gay, no becuase its so uncomfortable that you really wonder what the hell has crawled up and desided to nest in there. Slowly it feeds off you insanity... yup.. you know where im going. My ex is one of those paracites. Really now, who else agrees that our exs deserve the name paracites? Show of hands... yea i thought so. Hence the i just want to be friends complex... we dont really... but it makes you leave us alone. The funniest time to use this is when you bestfriend and your ex hook up and you dont want to talk to either of them, so you just smile and nod, and then you go home and curl up into a ball crying your eyes out becuase you didnt get to eat his last chocolate chip cookie in math class. which leads me to my next point...
You know we all have friends. but how do we know the ones that are true and the ones that are not? We cant stand them up in a line and say "whats my favorite color" and pray that they know us enough to say purple... or can we...?? No, we cant.. they would likely say orange. WHO THE HELL LIKES ORANGE?! not me thats all i can say. Orange is just a messed up color and no ones  knows the trouble its seen.
But that aside, its strange how people come about and tell us who they really are. I mean in elementry school they tell everyone the cootie story, how if they even touch you they will die of a disease that is like not even really existing. Jr high its all about popularity... so they trash the click you focus on. Say your clothes are from your grandmothers collection, or steal your ipod. i know right... why the hell were they staring at me getting dressed this morning. Not even my grandmother knew i was in there...and high school dont matter we all know the story so im not going into it.
I just cant see why others are out to get us. Boys want to date us, girls want to be us and we... just want to find a rock and hide so no one can see our hideous mole that is placed in the most awkward of places. Yes.. i do laugh at my sisters mole.. but thats besides the point. i got lucky and god shown a light of beauty upon me and thus i didnt get one. I mean hey if you got one be proud of it, its what makes you special. The world likes special thats why we have the small buses that drive around and take us to school everyday for twelve stupid years of our lives.. god i hated that place.

Nightmare before Stalked (febuary 17th)

You ever had those moments where you wake up and you know your being stared at but the room is too dark to tell, yea well congrats you just hit the nightmare before Stalked!
Its not an easy thought, you know a guy or girl breathing deeply as they gander inside your window but hey its what we all go through. most of the time thought its someone we didnt even realize was there. An ex boyfriend or maybe a cousin, yea i know but hes only there cause of marriage.. not as disturbing... ok.. i lied... its just as disturbing. But its not gonna stop him from wanting you all over himself... well here are some tips to avoid the awkward situation at family gatherings cause you managed to give in and now you got a baby that should have only been in the movies.. no offense im sure hes adorable.

Step 1: wear dorky glasses and snort a lot as you talk.. the guys that still find this attractive have some serious issues. But i guess even nerds need a home.
Step 2: Dont answer the messages and lock your doors before bed. If you forget its gonna be even more weird when you wake up and theres this camera pointed at your bed but nothings there to operate it.
Step 3: Join the AV club. Then you can always use it as an excuse to detour the person after you. Also then youll know how to turn this camera off when you find it.

Other then that i got nothing. Ohh and so you know this does not actually work... its just random ideas thrown out. If it did work i might be twelve stalkers less..Yea i know but as a girl we all deal with it. You know how it is, the guys following us home, sneaking in an ally behind a dumbster and trying to tell us "hey there want some candy?" FUCK NO! i dont want no candy creep... i just want some pepper spray so i can knock your ass out and report you for mishandling a controlled substance... but since i dont  have no pepper spray ima run and scream like a little panzy and cower in a corner i know wont do me no good... i swear we girls deserve this...